Chapter 2.1: Let Us Explain...

“Okay, just to…” Angie rubs at her right temple, which Billy tells me is good because it means she’s processing and not just trying to find a polite way to talk us down. Talking us down is apparently scratching at the left eyebrow. I really don’t want to know how many harebrained schemes and wild ideas he’s proposed to know those kinds of tells. “Just to recap all of this. You are my boyfriend who, while very understanding, is incredibly straight and cis. But you’re also a ghost, possessing his body. And a lesbian. Who’s now stuck with his body. That can’t feel right.”

“No, it really doesn’t,” I say a little sheepishly, going to push my hair over our shoulder and hitting nothing. I guess I had long hair, good to know. I take a deep breath and let it out all at once. “He’s still here and… conscious? Or something? We can talk to each other.” I mentally nudge him to speak up and he perks up.

“Oh, right, yeah, we can switch too.” She shudders at the change in tone and I can’t really blame her. To go from hearing a complete stranger’s tone come out from your boyfriend’s vocal cords only to turn back your boyfriend’s again with no lag between must be whiplash-inducing. “We can’t always do it on command though. I tried calling out to you when it happened and… I think I was panicking.” He stares down at our twitching hands and I clasp them together and put them in our lap. Thanks, floats softly across to me and I give our hands a reassuring squeeze. “I was panicking about you.”

I try not to make us wince, since they must have felt perfectly safe in these woods before I showed up to ruin their sex-filled getaway weekend. She looks confused for a moment, wheels rapidly spinning in her brain, before she gasps and covers her mouth. I try to remind myself that it’s not as if I meant for this to happen. “Oh, god, of course! You were— You must have— Oh, you poor things.” She drags us across the ridiculously comfortable couch and holds us close, our face tantalizingly close to her chest. A shiver runs along our spine and she simply soothes it away with soft noises right in our ear and a warm hand running up and down our back. I decide to be the brave one. Or at least brave enough.

“Could you…” I start weakly, very valiantly biting back what would almost certainly be the most embarrassing noise to come out of this man’s throat. “Could you, ummm, not do that yet? Not that it’s not great. Like really great.” A memory surfaces and I’m moving us before I even think, nose and lips pressing into her neck before I rip back. “Oh my god, I am so sorry!”

Hot, Billy helpfully supplies. I hate him so much right now.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she says with the most beautiful laugh I think I’ve ever heard. “He’s very into cuddle time. Among other things.” She smirks slyly at us and our mouth quirks up to match it. I feel like the most stuck third wheel of all time and I’m not even sure if I mind. “And I… I’m not opposed to the idea, in theory. Of you, I mean. You and I. Even if I’m just looking at Billy.” She blushes and looks away and it’s the cutest thing I’ve seen in the past however long since I last had eyes. “Can’t say I’ve never thought about it.”

Your girlfriend is such a problem, I whine and I think a noise comes from the back of our throat that I absolutely did not mean to let slip out. He just giggles between us and there’s that love-drunk sigh again. He’s so useless when it comes to her and I can’t blame him. “Can we take it slow? Get to know each other? Make sure I’m your type?” I give a lopsided little grin. “It’s been a long time for me. You’ll have to be gentle.”

Oooooh, you flirt! Billy whoops like he’s in the crowd at a game. I suppose he is front and center for the Sapphic Flirting Olympics. She loves this kind of thing! And you’re such a natural! Oh my god, she’s finally gonna get to date a lesbian! And you won’t judge, right? I mean, she’s bi and I’ve heard things and she’s always wanted to but, because of me, people get so weird! Of course you’re not gonna judge, I can tell! And I know you like her too! You’re gonna be so cute together! Our cheeks heat up the longer he goes and she just smiles knowingly.

“He’s hyping you up, isn’t he?” I nod. “He does that. Well, we can take it slow, if that’s what you need.” She gives me a chaste peck on the forehead and follows it with the fondest smile imaginable. It makes our face burn even brighter. I definitely did not have this much of a blushing problem before now. I’m sure I’d remember something like that. “What were we talking about again?”

“You were about to make us pop a boner,” he says, sudden and blunt and so out of nowhere that I don’t even register it as outside of our shared mind space at first. “Not that we both weren’t into it because we definitely were. But we should probably help our new ghost bestie remember her name first.”

“You, sir, are always about to pop a boner,” she says flatly with a roll of those gorgeous green and hazel eyes, “and I think you’re a little bit of a sub, aren’t you?” The way she looks into our eyes, I know she’s talking to me. I let out the embarrassing whine again. She hums with pleasure and I need to know how it feels against my skin. Billy very helpful flashes the sensation my way, just enough to be a tease. If I die again, it’s going to be the fault of these two. “We can get to that later. First things first.” Her demeanor changes entirely as she gathers up the water glasses and tea cups that had been drained as we chatted. She’s off and into the sprawling kitchen before we can even attempt to help. “If either of you try to get off that couch, I’ll tie you to it,” casually drifts out in her wake.

Please tell me you’re not also into that, I mumble weakly. But I know the answer. I can feel the reaction it’s having on us. I can’t live my post-life with everyone knowing the second a dirty thought flitters through my mind. How do people with dicks even function?

Unfortunately, I’m very into that. She packed the really nice ropes too. Silk, doesn’t bite, feels great on your skin. We bite our lip at the same time. Fuck, I think we’re learning something here. If we both do or want the same thing…

Yeah, bigger reaction. How big— Ugh, phrasing, don’t answer that. We let out a hiss of breath, his hand going to adjust ourself while I reach for a pillow to hide this stupid erection I’ve never had to deal with before. That’s going to be a really big problem with her, isn’t it?

You get used to it. Think chaste thoughts, okay? I give him my best equivalent of a withering glare. Right, sorry, that’s memory-based. I’ll think chaste thoughts. I can have chaste thoughts… Or, uhhhh… Our eyes whip around the room before landing on the massive hardback book on the coffee table. Indigenous Flora of the Americas?

I will try literally anything. And that’s how Angie finds us, knees spread and pillow shoved hard into our crotch, as we hunch forward and try to care more about native flowers and plants than the idea of her tying us down and subjecting us to the sweetest torture imaginable. A memory hazily surfaces and I realize I’ve done that before, had such complete and total trust in someone to let them guide me to—

Please stop, Billy mumbles, heat spreading over our cheeks again. Not that I don’t want you to find good memories again but we’re kind of… We squirm on the spot and, holy shit, how does he get anything done knowing he’s got the kind of dick people kill for?! Thanks for the compliment. All the better to ride and such. And congrats, I guess. It’s currently your dick too. Oh. Oh! Oh shit, we’re both into that! We flop back against the couch hard with a keening moan, breathing heavily with our eyes shut tight and thick beefy arms thrown over our face. I very belated realize that means the pillow is gone and we just have these hiking pants for protection now. Great. Awesome. Way too tight.

“So, am I about to watch you two make yourself cum from,” Angie looks down at the page open in front of us depicting a bright lilac flower with spiny dark green leaves lining its stem, “looking at the humble salvia rosmarinus prostratus? Didn’t know common kitchen herbs could get anyone so hot and bothered.” We hazard opening one eye to peek through a gap. There she is, holding a sandwich on a plate and a drink as she tries not to laugh at us. She puts both down gently on the coffee table before closing the world’s least distracting book and squatting to eye level. I’m just glad she didn’t bend over. We almost certainly would have cum on the spot. “Hey, look at me.” I want to shut the eye again but he’s apparently very willing to take orders so the single eye remains stubbornly open. “You’re experiencing something very new. Both of you. And you’re both adults with, uhhh, high libidos I’m guessing.” She does that thing again where I know she’s talking to me so I give our head the tiniest nod. “Okay, that’s gotta be a lot in a single body. So it’s going to take an adjustment period. No shame in that, right?”

“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I didn’t want a giant dick before,” I mumble out loud, trying to ease the tension with a joke, but the asshole I’m stuck with absolutely preens at that. Our back arches off the back of the sofa before we collapse back. “Did you know your boyfriend’s a little vain? Maybe a lot vain.”

She just laughs, biting her lip in a way that makes us twitch as she looks us over. “He’s worked hard for this, dick aside. I think he’s allowed to be vain.” She looks us back in our single open eye and grimaces. Grimaces aren’t supposed to be cute but she’s clearly a statistical outlier in so many ways. I kind of want to know what sort of utter wreck she’s seeing to get that reaction, how wholly debauched we must look. “I’m really not helping you two, am I?” We both try to shake our head and what comes out instead is a bassy moan that feels like it’s shaking my bones. “Yeah, definitely not helping. How about you two stay down here and, you know, figure yourselves out? I’ll go see if I can find anything about you and check back in an hour or two.” She glances around at the expensive and fragile looking living room around us: artificially rustic, incredibly beige, full of glass and natural wood, and some of the ugliest art too much money can buy. “Just try not to make a huge mess or break anything, okay?” She gives us a little double pat on the bo— pec before walking out of room and up the gently creaking stairs. Our eyes follow her path across the ceiling until it stops. Then the only noises left are our pathetic little pants.

Your girlfriend just told us to jerk off, right? Like she wants us to just… go for it?

She absolutely did, is the tightly wound response. Normally she likes to watch.

That… that shouldn’t be hot to me. You shouldn’t be hot to me either. I’m pretty sure I used to avoid penises as a concept. There’s a pause and I know he’s about to suggest something I’m going to hate and agree to before he even finishes saying it. Thinking it? Whatever.

We should, you know, take a look. Or at least a feel. It’s like he gently guides me in moving our shared body, flexing just a bit so I can feel our strength and how the muscles move under the skin. The sensation is so far removed from just looking or watching someone else. He holds us there and we just breathe. You’re drooling. Not physically, don’t worry. But you’re totally drooling.

Yeah, well… I feel him drift away and our flex wobbles. Obviously, I don’t really know how to do this. Not exactly every day you get to suddenly be built like you’re made of marble. Another pause as our hands twitch, fighting between my urge to not give in and his to let us explore. Okay, fine. Fine! We can touch ourselves! Our… our you.

Nah, no thinking like that, he says sternly, hands falling to our sides and balling into fists. This is your body too. You have to get to know it. No touching until you say it: this is my body and I’m going to enjoy it as much as I can. Our dick twitches hard and we let out an audible laugh. So now that we know you agree, say it. Out loud please!

“Thi- This is my,” I swallow hard and squeeze our eyes shut. A mistake, because now every sensation feels even more amplified. I keep them closed anyway. “This is my body and I’m going to enjoy it.”

“Good girl,” he purrs out and I clamp a hand over our mouth to shove the moan back down our throat. I’m so telling Angie about that. We fall into breathless giggles as we try to collect together enough sense to actually do something. A few minutes of amicable silence pass as we consider the room. “So we’re doing this on the floor, right? Just in case?”

Yeah, can’t destroy the whole deposit with one load, right?

Oh, it’s gonna be more than one load. I can feel him waggling our eyebrows so I roll our eyes. But seriously, I’m still pent up from earlier. The boys don’t normally feel this heavy. You’ll see.

You’re so gross. But that’s… We’re already half-hard, so I shouldn’t have to say it but I do anyway. “I could be into that.”