Chapter 1.2: What's In A Name?

So it seems I’m not entirely sure of my name anymore. Or big chunks of the parts of my life that weren’t literal life-ending agony. But Billy, sweetheart that he turns out to be when he’s not crashing through the woods in a full face mask, assures me it’s fine and we just need to do a little search and we’ll figure it all out. Something like that would be more reassuring if I could remember more than just my death and the events leading up to it. I shake my head to clear those thoughts out and he politely looks away, doing his level best not to tune in to the traumatic memories for both our sakes.

We agree that we need to find his girlfriend and call off their kinky little game first, if only so she doesn’t keep wandering alone out here as the temperature steadily drops. Another flash of over-saturated violence transmits between us and we both ignore it, our feet moving a little faster. Neither of us feel safe in these trees anymore.

We hit our first roadblock in co-piloting when he tries to call out and we just sort of wheeze weakly. We aren’t winded and we definitely aren’t tired, a passing thought I have that makes him preen a little vainly. Yes, I think as sarcastically as I can manage, you do a very good job of moving the heavy stuff a lot. Good for you. I get a unfairly cute giggle in our head but another wheeze from our mouth. So I take charge.

“Angie,” I try meekly, worried I’ll rasp like my thoughts do. I recoil from the bass rumble in our chest. Right. Not my body. Gym rat dude bro body.

I am definitely not a dude bro, he sulks and I can feel his overacted little pout. You’re just being mean when I’m graciously allowing you to use my body. There’s an awkward pause as both of us process that thought. Not like that.

“Never like that,” I say firmly aloud. As good a time as any to get used to talking again. “So do you two have some kind of, I don’t know, code? A way to say game over and head back inside?” Even his night vision is stupidly perfect, letting me see which way she probably went with minimal squinting through the darkness. He probably eats whole carrots with his boiled chicken and broccoli. The indignant harrumph that echoes in our skull makes us both smile and, for just a moment, I wonder if he picks up friends and ‘passengers’ like this all the time. He’s fairly certain I’m his first. I don’t make it into a joke no matter how much I want to do it.

I try to pick our way along the absurdly tiny paths like I’m wearing heels instead of hiking boots, nearly sending us tumbling to the ground again. So we go slower and he smugly reminds me that I am in fact allowed to use my whole foot when I step. Every once in a while, I call out to Angie again like I’m her new bestie trying to find her at a music festival. No response. Both of us try very hard not to think the worst, but it’s a little complicated by the fact that I’m here and normally incorporeal.

It takes at least a full hour to get back to their glass-walled A-frame cabin rental tucked in a ridiculously picturesque clearing overlooking the lake and the accidental flash of a memory with the price tag on their getaway makes me want to scream. Billy tries to make it better in a flash of a boring tech consulting job that would grind him into dust were it not for the love of his life. I show him my shitty studio that I’d only just managed to move out of before The Incident. It shuts him up for the moment. I might feel a little bad for doing it.

We make it about halfway across the clearing to the cabin when bright floodlights suddenly burst into life and we’re blinded and frozen. It takes some time but our vision clears enough to see a tall and imposing silhouette rim lit against the darkened interior. I don’t think either of us can help it: our jaw drops. The figure takes a step forward into the edge of the light and there’s an amazon wielding a steel baseball bat. Flowing hair so dark brown it might as well be black. Skin that’s flawless and looks perfectly tanned even as the crispness of fall starts to settle towards winter. Eyes that feel like they can see right through me. Plump lips that beg to be kissed. A face that could start wars. Literal superhero proportions straight out of a comic book, or as close as a human could get. She looks like she could break me, even in this body, and I’d apologize that she had to take the time to do it.

That’s your girlfriend? Seriously? Even the voice in my head sounds like it might faint. What self-respecting queer woman hasn’t entertained the occasional fantasy of a bronzed statuesque goddess crushing your head between her thighs as you eat her out? Not enough for it to not be considered a statistical error, that’s how many. And they’ll surely see the light if one just appears in front of them like this.

Yeah, comes the dreamy response and we both let out the same sigh. At least I’m sharing a body with a man of taste. The goddess points her bat directly at our heart. Wait. Uh-oh…

‘Uh-oh’? What do you mean ‘uh-oh” for?

“Details of our first date. Now.”

Ummm, that. See, uhhhh, Angie didn’t just find the masked man thirst traps. He sounded sheepish, like he was somehow personally responsible for these— wait, the what?!

“First date,” the amazon states again, taking another step forward with the bat still raised. For something without a point, it’s much more threatening than I would have guessed. “Details. Now. Or I start swinging.”

“Wait, why would you just start swinging?” I manage to squeak out, tears welling up in my eyes. That makes her pause and the bat drops just a little. “Billy, why is your girlfriend so terrifying and why is it hot?”

The silence that falls after that is deafening. I think maybe I was never good at keeping my thoughts completely in my head and it was much harder now.

Then both of them burst out into laughter. Which means the body I’m currently in also bursts into laughter, doubling over and wiping at our eyes. What a time to reassert yourself, I think as flatly as possible while also trying to not make us blush.

“Hey, babe!” comes easily out of our mouth and the bat drops to her side immediately. We step forward and sweep her into her arms, complete with a little spin. That immediately registers as a very new sensation and I abruptly remember that I’ve definitely never been able to pick a partner up. I kind of wish I had. It feels… nice. Really nice. Our cheeks heat up as I think about it. So much for that. “Okay, so some stuff kinda happened, guess you could tell, but you’re gonna wanna be sitting down for this.”