“I have a whole name!” I exclaim with a whoop, arms above my head and feet kicked up, before letting us collapse back onto the couch with a goofy smile. “I have a name. A full one. Peyton Janelle Davidson. That’s me.”

It’s all fun and games until you’re being ordered to eat out your girlfriend before the food gets cold. And who would we be to not oblige?

“Peej, you’re a fucking tease. You don’t have to sexualize a back squat so much. And leg day was two days ago. Today is arms."

Yet another reason I should have lifted in life. I don’t think being fucked against a wall was exactly a fantasy of mine then but it is now.

"Peej, what are you doing?" "Trying something a little different. Now brush our fucking teeth before I make a mess please."

“I thought you two were going to talk, not paint the floor. We are so lucky this is hardwood.”

“You are my boyfriend who, while very understanding, is incredibly straight and cis. But you’re also a ghost, possessing his body. And a lesbian. Who’s now stuck with his body.”

I am definitely not a dude bro. You’re just being mean when I’m graciously allowing you to use my body.

He’s chasing his girlfriend in the woods at night!? What kind of straight nonsense was this!?