Prologue

Okay okay, I know how this looks. Like we just rolled in from out of nowhere, the stranger come to town in a spaghetti western. We promise we know some of the history. We understand that it’s a concern. And we aren’t that.

And I know how it all starts doesn’t sound possible. Trust me, we’re so very aware of that. It’s not as if we planned for any of this to happen. It just sort of… did. Let’s just start at the beginning. At least the setup isn’t embarrassing for me.

There’s this whole thing called the Final Girl trope. Which I’m not explaining. I know you can look it up yourselves and you should. And no, I’m not talking about myself before anyone tries to make the joke. There’s a whole trend that comes around every Halloween on social media because, well, it’s a great thrill when you don’t have to worry about dying.

Again, please, don’t make the joke. I am already well aware of the irony.

That’s how it started. Some harmless sexy fun. It was reckless. Which I said. At the time. And now. But it was still wildly hot. And meant this very kind, loving, and understanding man was chasing a woman through a dark heavily wooded area at full speed at night while wearing a mask that fully obscures his face and looked straight out of a horror movie.

Some people might call that a high speed hike, dialed up as far as it can go, with some interesting accessory choices. Which… none of you are doing, got it. I’m not making this better. Potentially very bad decisions were being made and we can probably leave it at that.

But that’s why no one noticed at first. It’s hard to focus on much of anything with the blood pounding in your ears. He got hit hard enough right before to leave him wheezing as she got away, which is a feat. You’ve seen him. But he was still laughing so the game kept going. You know, that sounds much worse out loud than it was. She sort of lost track after that and, really, we should be giving scream queens more credit for holding it together enough to keep crashing through branches. Adrenaline and fear make everything…

Sorry, what was I saying? Right, she lost track of him and he ran into me.